His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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