I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Say something about gay babies.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
