I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
