She's JV to your varsity
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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