Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
