If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
smell my finger.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
