Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize