I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
