when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
