So drunk its hurt
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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