Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
