Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
