He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
