Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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