I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
