is your mom at the bar?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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