I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
