She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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