I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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