NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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