I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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