I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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