New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
