no, he came in my armpit
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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