Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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