I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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