Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
