They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
