I wish my penis had an off switch
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
