I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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