I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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