I faked an abortion last night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
