she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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