im six kinds of drunk right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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