She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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