I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
