Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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