ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
