do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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