If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize