I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
