The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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