No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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