somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
