and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
