UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
