I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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