One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize