at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
