i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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