i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
