i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
