apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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