I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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