if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
