dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
