if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
