You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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