We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
