I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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