and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
