Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
