my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
