Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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