I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
